Canadian Fruitcake

Canada has banned fruitcake from their airports because it’s so dense that not even the latest x-ray equipment can see through it.

As if anyone needed proof that this “food” was unfit for human consumption, fruitcake now joins lead as the only substances x-ray machines cannot penetrate.

I have a feeling the Society for the Protecton and Preservation of Fruitcake is gonna be on the war path about this one!

  6 comments for “Canadian Fruitcake

  1. December 11, 2003 at 2:11 pm

    Your goodies sound delightful. Makes me wonder how American fruitcake got to be so awful.

    In general, any food that a) defeats x-rays, b) can be shipped across the planet without spoiling, and c) gets rejected even by dogs is probably not going to win a taste test.

    I wonder what Martha Stewart would do to fix the fruitcake mess. Or as the kids say today, WWMD?

    –Ron

  2. Rich
    December 11, 2003 at 9:18 pm

    Guess the only way to bring the fruitcake down from the Great White North would be to smuggle it in your touque, eh?

  3. December 12, 2003 at 12:27 am

    That depends on the presumption that I’m actually interesting in obtaining The Substance.

    In reality, I don’t want to obtain fruitcake–I wish to sent ’em to Iraq where our troops can form them into bulletproof vests. I wish to send it to the CDC in Atlanta where it most certainly should be under quarantine with SARS and Mad Cow.

    You know, if the world is ever destroyed by a nuclear war, the only things left will be cockroaches and fruitcakes.

    Not necessarily in that order.

  4. Rich
    December 13, 2003 at 12:06 am

    You forgot Keith Richards.

  5. December 13, 2003 at 12:45 pm

    I didn’t forget. He’s included in “fruitcakes”.

    –Ron

  6. Lesley
    December 11, 2003 at 11:32 am

    I have to agree, American fruitcake is pretty bad. But English fruitcake…ah, now that’s altogether different. Al the women in my mother’s family make it at Christmas, and it’s really outstanding – it’s a rich yellow cake studded with fruit. Americans eat fruit with a little cake in it; English eat cake with a little fruit in it!
    However, traditional plum pudding is the same density as American fruitcake. It’s much, much moister though, owing to the fact that it sits in brandy for about 3 months. šŸ™‚ I make mine in September and every week or so I take it out of the pantry, unwrap it, and pour more brandy over it. You’ll have to try some this year! It’s quite indulgent and it wouldn’t be a proper English Christmas without it. šŸ™‚

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